The Beauty Society

What could your body language secretly say about you?

For stylists it’s all about ‘the look’, right? We’re only concerned with colour, cut and camouflage? So why bother with body language - surely that’s best left to people in white coats? Wrong!

It’s thought that as much as 90% of what you say is ‘read’ by others through non-verbal cues including body language. If you’re not confident with the way you look it’s very likely that your body is giving others the wrong impression – while you’re going about your business blissfully oblivious to the fact. Tragic!

Looking - and feeling - good

Your frame of mind, and how this is reflected by your body, can have a real effect on the way you appear to others. So when you’re having a ‘curlers and crisps’ day you won't be found styling your hair to within an inch of its life. Your demeanour will leave others in no doubt about how you’re feeling.

It works the other way round too. How you look can dramatically impact how you feel. I’m sure you’ve been out shopping and maybe spotted that gorgeous someone you met at last weekend’s bash (or, heaven forbid, an old rival). Catch a glimpse of yourself in the shop window behind them and 'Oh joy!' you made an effort before setting off. You look good – you feel good. No need to hide behind the news stand now – and your body language will secretly have shone for you. You’ve probably had the same experience on an ‘off day’ and that news stand became your best friend, right?

Communicating in style

So, what is body language? A quick look in the Oxford Dictionary says it’s, ‘the conscious and unconscious bodily movements by which feelings are communicated’. Style, it says is ‘a manner of doing something: a distinctive appearance, design or arrangement.’ In my book, style and body language are inseparable. They are about the way you look and feel and, together, they make up your ‘look’. It’s about what you wear AND how you carry it off.

Dressing to impress  - not distract

Here's a tip: be comfortable if you want to avoid sending out distracting messages. When I see someone teetering agonisingly along in six inch heels I don’t find myself thinking ‘Gorgeous shoes!’. Instead I am distracted by their pain and the effort they made to style themselves before dashing out is lost. Their posh clogs have let them down.

The message they’re sending is one of ‘I am in a rush’, ‘I didn’t think about what I’m wearing in light of the day’s activities’ or worse still ‘no-one’s noticing’. Shame on you! If the shoe doesn’t fit....please don’t wear it! Similarly, if someone is constantly readjusting their belt, because they’re in denial, and ‘definitely do not need that extra notch’, it’s distracting. It won’t go unnoticed. It will draw attention to the problem and away from the fabulous shirt. A belt isn’t a gastric band.... no need to use it as one!

If you’re comfortable, your body will have a better chance of sending the right signals. I’m not suggesting tracksuits at dawn, but you get the picture. Be comfortable AND be prepared.

Prepare or reveal an untruth

Ever had a nail crisis? When the glass of wine you’re sipping suddenly becomes an obstacle – forcing you to put two week old nail varnish or unkempt nails on very public display? You may sneak the occasional sip when no-one’s looking but then you’ll hide your hands wherever you can. You’re self conscious because you didn’t prepare yourself – and the language your body is talking is affected. Concealing your hands can suggest to others that you have something to hide.

Been in close conversation but can’t confidently contribute, convinced you’re suffering from a bad case of death breath? or maybe embarrased with your smile? Without realising it, you’re likely to be concealing your mouth with your hand as you talk. Again your body language tells it straight: you are self conscious concealing a thought, even telling a lie?

Don’t get caught out because you haven’t prepared yourself or taken time on ‘your look’ before you head out. It’s happened to me. After a glorious few days spent holidaying on the oxford canals I set off home totally unprepared. Naturally, our trip home included a quick stop ‘n shop. That’s when disaster struck.

Shopping with shamelessly windswept hair, questionable shorts and fascinating green boat shoes, someone called my name. Turning round, I came face to face with an old acquaintance and someone of influence. I felt unspeakably self conscious and that affected my interaction with him. The horror of it! The fact is that people are influenced by the way we choose to present ourselves.

Sending the right signals

So, we’ve picked up on some distracting signals. What about some useful ones? Let’s start with the eyes.

In the 1960s, psychologists researching the movement of eyes during conversation discovered something very interesting. They claimed that the direction of our eyes reveals whether we are either recalling an image (even a sound or a word) or constructing one (perhaps telling a lie). Apparently, when we’re asked a question, where we move our eyes can give a clue of what we're thinking to the keen observer.

If we look up and to the left we’re constructing an image in our minds – most likely of something that doesn’t actually exist. So, if you ask someone to imagine a diamond encrusted scooter flying by on white feathered wings, their eyes may move up and left as they construct this novel image in their minds. Ask someone to remember their first kiss, a real image filed away in their memory, and they’ll look up and to the right.

There’s just one thing to remember here before accusing someone of anything – it’s the opposite way round for left-handed people!

Let your limbs do the talking

Arms can be a liability when it comes to body language. Many people simply don’t know what to do with them. Find a ‘safe’ place for yours and put them there when you’re next out of your comfort zone.

Your arms can signal your intention to include or reject someone. Hugging your arms gently to you can signal ‘comfort me’. Crossing your arms tightly to your chest when in conversation is a silent gesture that can say ‘keep away’ (or, I’ve just realised how low my top is and I’m uncomfortable about that in this company!).

Legs don’t just walk the walk. They can talk the talk too! If you find your legs inadvertently angled towards someone, even if you’re not actually facing them, you’re signalling that you have an affinity with them. So, if you direct them away because that ‘must have’ skirt is just a little too short and you’re at risk of suffering a ‘Basic Instinct’ moment, you could end up sending out the wrong message despite the company being just right!

Understanding your body language

I wouldn’t suggest contorting your body into all sorts of fantastically awkward positions in an effort to control your body language – although the thought is amusing. There are more than 600 muscles in your body. There are also about 90 muscles in your face, 30 of which are there just to help you express emotion. You can’t control all of these without sending mixed messages.

The point is: don’t try too hard. Instead, use your body to emphasise or observe what you are already thinking. In the same way that you take time to find a style that’s right for you, take time to understand your own body language. Once you can do this, you’ll know what your subconscious is saying and you’ll be better able to read your own thoughts. So, next time you find yourself sitting with your legs directed away from a particular person, or with your arms crossed while you’re talking to someone, ask yourself why!

Here’s another tip: Find a style that works for you and your lifestyle. Get your look right. Know your shortcomings and tackle them. If you need advice, go on and invest in yourself, get that advice. Find your smile. You’ll be surprised just how a smile can affect your frame of mind AND your body language.

So, ladies and gents, love your look, use that mirror, observe others (discretion advisable) and have some fun!